I'm loving my story. I really am. And I have no problem with continuing to write it and post my word count each day--but I decided to let go of "winning" the NaNo challenge. For several reasons. One is that I'm so distracted with life and kids I can't keep up the pace. Another is likely due to my lack of experience--which probably makes that first reason even tougher. I've only finished one novel, and it still needs some touch-ups. I am totally willing to push through learning curves. But I'm not ready for the tight deadlines NaNo asks for. It's stressing me out, not giving me joy in the process.
The thing is, I love writing. I love the process. I love that it's okay if I need to ponder a scene for a week before it's grown enough to spread onto a page like butter on a bagel. That gives me joy. And I believe the Lord wants me to write. He put the love for it within me.
But NaNo is stifling that freedom. Not on purpose--but it is anyway. Maybe it's just my inexperience that requires me to fully understand where I'm headed before I can spit something onto paper. Maybe one day I'll dig into a NaNo challenge and thrive on it--I think it would be fun! But I'm good with it not being right now. I'm still a novice and am just not ready for that much pressure.
So I'm letting go.
Because if I'm writing like I'm made to write, I'm succeeding.
I feel freed.
Funny thing--I was freed from concepts and expectations on another level this week, too. A spiritual one.
The group of believers we meet with on Sunday morning all read the same book (with verses and spiritual reading) during the week, and we are then encouraged to share a portion they enjoyed from it when we come together. It's a great, healthy practice and builds us up together rather than keeping us scattered spiritually. We're encouraged to continue our Bible reading wherever we are, etc...the suggested reading is very short each day, and very rich. But I felt pressured to finish it each day. Especially because it carries an implied "morning" time (no one set that in law, fyi).
During a conversation with a friend, she shared that she felt the same way--and that she typically reads the week's worth all at once, so she's current by Sunday morning. And suddenly I was freed to just touch the Lord each morning in a way that refreshes my spirit and causes me to love Him more, rather than conform to a certain way or a certain book or a certain method.
If I get Christ as life, I have succeeded.